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Picture of Topic  'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions


Topic 'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Share how you are feeling and swap tips for managing stress with other members and the online team

  • 186 conversations


Started by Anonymous on 27 July 2011 at 13:20

Today I am feeling so angry, frustrated and bitter. I love my husband Dom so much but some days I feel like I am going to explode with all my anger about how his illness has affected us and how much I feel we will never have together and things we will never experience.

We are on our early 30s and all our friends have started popping out babies. That just does not seem like an option for us now. Whilst he is currently well, his cancer is incurable, and I just don't know if I want to go down the road of having a child when I know very soon he will not be around.  I know that some people would probably go for it and that their desire to be a mother is so strong that it is a reason enough, but not for me. He has said if that's what I want then he will do it (which I really love and respect him for) but there are too many other things to consider.  Do I want to be nine months pregnant and sleeping on the floor of his hospital room? In his last few years does he want to say to hell with it and travel the world rather than take care of a baby.

I feel so angry at everyone even though I know it's not rational.  I feel like anything friends say I find annoying and insensitive.  I know there is no rhyme or reason to why anyone gets ill but I look at people who seem to have everyhting they want and I feel like I want to punch them in the face (yes I know I may have anger issues)!

Sorry for the rant, I already feel better for having said it!


Comments (2)

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  • From Anonymous
    16 August 2012 at 13:32

    Hi Nilly

    Your rant is soooo ok. I am so glad I found this group. Feeling much like you are today. You have good reasons to feel angry in my opinion. I think I would feel much the same as you.

    You just gotta go with your intuition and if not having a baby right now feels right then don't take the pressure on. Friends mean well but they are not in your shoes.

    I had a mastectomy 4 years ago and might be having to undergo another in a month or so and for the last 4 years my loving hubby has decided he is no longer interested in a physical relationship with me (no concrete reasions given and if I ask he gets really angry). So, a big full stop for my love life.

    When I try to tell him how I feel he rolls his eyes to the heavens and just goes silent. So I know what it feels like to be really angry and very frustrated not knowing where to turn.

    I have tried to share this with friends but they get very uncomfortable and after a while I just feel like I'm boring the hell out of them.

    Take care


  • Picture of Robyn
    From Robyn  
    27 July 2011 at 15:51
    Edited on: 27 July 2011 at 16:19

    Hello Nilly

    No need to appologise - sometimes you just need to let it out and I imagine that has been brewing for a while.....? it is understandable that you are feeling angry and find it difficult  to relate to your friends at the moment.   You said it helped to have a rant here and you are certainly welcome to... it may also help to be able to talk to someone face to face ? our centres offer 1:1 sessions with psychologists or your GP may be able to reccomend someone locally. 

    Best wishes


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