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Topic

Topic Friends and family

For anyone supporting someone else with cancer

  • 156 conversations

Supporting my dad with Bowel Cancer

Started by Anonymous on 19 January 2018 at 10:47

Hi there,

I am new to this site so not really sure what i'm doing!

My dad has Bowel Cancer for the second time, he started treatment but decided to stop due to the side affects.  He had a health scare at the end of last week and has a blockage.  The outcome is that he now has to have a liquid diet.

We are not really clear on what he can and can't eat/drink.  Does anyone know what he can have? Or has a list?

I am also struggling with the news that another 'health episode' would mean going onto end of life care plan.

Comments (4)

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Displaying 4 comments

  • Picture of Tombenefits
    From Tombenefits  
    23 January 2018 at 14:20
    Edited on: 23 January 2018 at 14:33

    Hello,

    It must feel like a whirlwind of emotions for you both as well as trying to make sense of a host of practicalities.

    You mention a whole range of issues Rita, around treatment, medical advice, joining up bits that haven't been joined up, getting personal care support in place, sorting out his benefits planning ahead for his wishes and best ways to manage affairs phew :-)

    And it's a huge amount for him to take in and will take him some working through, which you wisely understand, but it's another thing to experience the impacts on him and your relationship.  

    I will message you privately, Rita,  to catch up with the benefits and other financial issues and see how I can help. And do let me know if there are any similar issues for you too, Emily

    Best wishes,

    Tom :-)

    Online Centre Benefits Advisor

     


  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    22 January 2018 at 09:45

    Hello Rita,

    I've been reading your message (and Emily's). It's immensely difficult trying to ensure that all the legal and practical matters are in hand.

    You're having to tread carefully, as your dad sounds to be taking out his frustrations and anxieties on you - through behaviour that is understandable, but hard to take. It's clear from your message, that you care deeply, but the pressure may be getting you down. It's a lot for one person to manage.

    It's a good idea to see your GP, and say how things are for you. The carer can sometimes be unintentionally sidelined, as all the focus may be on your dad at present. However, you're the person who cares most for your dad - so it's important you look after yourself too.

    If you need a hand trying to sort out the financial/benefits issues, you may find Tom (Tombenefits) here at Maggie's Online Centre can help? You'd also be very welcome to drop in our Maggie's Centres at Newcastle or Manchester? You'd get the emotional and practical support you need to help you through this difficult time.

    Meanwhile, you're always welcome to message Robyn or myself to talk anything through,

    Warm wishes

    Sue

     


  • From Anonymous
    22 January 2018 at 01:02

    Hi, like you I am completely new to this site and only joined tonight. Like you, my father has bowel cancer, but he is 87 and he was going tonhave the rectal tumour removed, but couldn't as he has asthma and COPD. He had 5 radio therapy treatments at The Christie Hospital, Manchester, but deemed too frail  for chemo and further radiotherapy, so he has been referred back to his local hospital. Both hospitals gave him a book explaing  all about bowel cancer, which includes suitable foods, for which ever stage of bowel cancer the patient has reached. My father has a colostomy, which was carried out under local  anaesthetic and pain block. He fluctuates between diarrhoea and constipation. So he is told to avoid anything high fibre, especially certain fruits and veg. He has white bread and crackers, while pasta, nothing wholemeal. He has an unbelievable  sweet tooth, but I was advised by Colo rectal nurse jellie babies and marshmallows are good sheen stools are loose and he can have chocolate if appears to be constipated. I am sure if you contacted the hospital or team, they would give you nutritional advice. 

     

    My dad has just started his end of life plan and I am really struggling with all the paper work, I have been given I am visually and mobility impaired and travel down from Newcastle to Manchester 3 times a month . His domestic and financial affairs are chaotic. I.e. It took me a month to obtain his national insurance number to claim attendance allowance. Now I am having problems obtaining information about his savings so  I can claim pension credits for him and now he may be liable to making means tested contributions to having carers 3 times a week. So social services have given me a calander month to complete this form, with details of his savings in. For various reasons, this info is hard to obtain, even though when I have been down in Manchester and rang the bank and he has given permission to speak to me and gone through security. My dad doesn't want to talk about it, no will in place but I have managed to persuade him to come with me next month to make one. I have asked go when he visited last week to explain the process of CPR, as Dad would not know what it entails and then I could carry on and ask him when I visited, what he would like. This wasn't done by gp. Dad now has very short attention span especially if he doesn't want to hear about something. I am currently filling online POA for finance and medical, for what I can answer and then take it to solicitors when we go to make will. (that is providing he consents). He has been widowed for several years and I am his next of kin with no siblings.  I get shouted and shown at when I visit and try to tidy and make things easier for him and deal with practicalities. I realize, he is scared, frustrated and lonely, but he has deliberately isolated himself, won't let friends especially his girlfriend visit. He can walk better than I can, get into a car or taxi, but hasn't been out apart from hospital appointments since April 2017. His personality has changed so much. We have always been very close but the last  3 days I was there, it was very fraught. I stay calm and do not react, but inside I am in bits and I am not looking after myself now. Sorry for going on, it's my first time on here. I am going to see Gp myself  tomorrow and make enquiries about the Maggie Centre closest to me. God bless and much love to all experiencing this disease and their families, carers and friends. Rita 


  • Picture of Robyn
    From Robyn  
    19 January 2018 at 11:44

    Hello and welcome to Maggie’s

    It sounds as if some information about your Dad’s care has perhaps gone astray. Was he given contact details of a specialist nurse? If so phone them today . If not you can contact the consultant.  If your Dad was an inpatient then call the ward he was on and ask to speak to the nurse in charge or one of the Drs that looked after him. They will go though the care he should have and also what to watch out for. Alternatively you could call his GP and let them know.


    I can imagine it was hard to hear that your Dad has decided to stop his treatment . Ending treatment shouldn’t however mean that he doesn’t continue to receive support. There are many ways to relieve symptoms and there may also be other treatment options available – this is perhaps something he has discussed with his consultant or he may be waiting for an appointment to do so .


    You would be welcome to drop into any of our Centres ( you don’t need and appointment you can just drop in) or to message me online if you would like to talk in more detail about the support available for both you and your Dad

    Best wishes
    Robyn


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