Maggie's

See what's happening in the Community

You are not logged in.   Log In

Meet the team

As well as sharing experiences with our friendly online community, registered members are able to contact our experienced online team. The Centre is staffed during office hours and the online team aim to reply within 24 hours.

Psychologists and experts from other Maggie's Centres and partner organisations also facilitate some group and individual sessions.

Picture of Topic  'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Topic

Topic 'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Share how you are feeling and swap tips for managing stress with other members and the online team

  • 186 conversations

Grand children

Started by lorraine on 13 July 2011 at 14:24

We have brought our 8yr old only grandchild to our caravan for a few days!! i was watching him this morning eating breakfast and chatting away, in his world his grannie and grandad are just the same people we were before my husband was diagnosed with Advanced prostate cancer nearly three years ago...

We have never allowed jack to be told about his grandad as they are very close and we would not want jack to have the worry that grandad might not be around for as long as we maybe once thought because apart from the cancer he has other medical problems, but i dont know if we are doing the right thing in keeping the biggest secret that i can ever remember keeping then if anything happens to jan would it be left to me to explain ? everybody knows cancer is life changing in every way but does it even change the way you have lived your life, like i was brought up to tell the truth so am i forgiven for not really telling a young and much loved wee boy whats really going on in his grannie and grandads life.

lorraine

Picture of lorraine

Comments (5)

latest | oldest

Displaying 5 comments

  • Picture of lorraine
    15 July 2011 at 15:06

    it is somthing we really need to think about and prepare the groung so to speak, jack knows not to cuddle his grandad to hard now as it hurts him but he does his own wee cuddles so thats good.

    lorraine x


  • From Anonymous
    15 July 2011 at 07:24

    Hi,

    I understand the dilemma you are facing Lorraine but I think we often underestimate a child's ability to come to terms with difficult issues such as the health of a close relative. I see no problem with telling a child his grandfather has cancer without going into how it will affect his longevity unless the child asks. After all with continuing advances in treatment this may not be an issue. Knowing that his grandfather is ill may make Jack more understanding when grandad can't run and play football like he used to or is fatigued. Indeed it may bring them closer together sharing this knowledge, he may look after grandad in his own way. Should the worst happen then it makes it much easier to explain if he has been told of the illness in the first place and he will not feel that secrets have been kept from him.  I always feel that being open is best as then it will not come back later to perhaps damage the special relationship you have with Jack.

    Enjoy Callander

    Ian 


  • From Anonymous
    14 July 2011 at 14:17

    Or go as his pace demands and if the situation changes? Is he denanding answers or asking questions?

    Sunny here too, ENJOY

    x


  • Picture of lorraine
    14 July 2011 at 13:51

    thanks nick,

    i takre your point leave things as they are i guess is best.

    the sun has been constant for us this time.

    lorraine x


  • From Anonymous
    14 July 2011 at 12:53

    Hi Lorraine,

    How lovely that Jack got to go with you, and you have sunshine. It's not an easy one for you, I guess we all feel guilty knowing that by omission we are not giving the whole picture. But the whole truth could change so much, Jack is aware his grandad is not 100% and he is older. Time will burst his bubble one day.

    I would continue to use that time as you are, without bringing shadows into his young life and all your happiness together. A friend here advised me that he went at the pace of his kids and guaged his responses depending on the situation. This has helped me with mine, I know they will in time need more, if they don't find out on the internet first. LOL. But I recon I have a least got time to get them both through university or whatever. So I wont be changing the colour of their dreams yet.

    Is that a lie by omission, I don't think so, just part of parenting or grand parenting. But I hear you. Enjoy yourselves.

    Take care

    Nickx


Displaying 5 comments


Registered Office: Maggie's, The Stables, Western General Hospital, Crewe Road, Edinburgh EH4 2XU   Registered Charity Number: SC024414
The Maggie Keswick Jencks Cancer Caring Centres Trust is a company limited by guarantee   Company Number: SC162451