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As well as sharing experiences with our friendly online community, registered members are able to contact our experienced online team. The Centre is staffed during office hours and the online team aim to reply within 24 hours.

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Picture of Topic  'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Topic

Topic 'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Share how you are feeling and swap tips for managing stress with other members and the online team

  • 186 conversations

Feeling lost and selfish

Started by Anonymous on 23 June 2015 at 05:04

So as some of you know, I told you a few months ago how one of my family members has stage 3 breast cancer, well she's just had the 4th chemo in her first round and it's taking hold now in regards to tiredness and sickness etc, plus there's things being held back on the account of not worrying me. Crazy given I worry even more when I do eventually find out!! Anyway there's other family stuff going on too, stuff I found out a few days ago. Add to the mix I pretty much lost my job last month and you have so much stress that my head and heart are both just broken. I've been drinking a lot more,not every day,but sometimes even just one drink is enough to help me cope. Helps to numb the pain and stop the world for a bit, however then I feel like ****. Knowing I could be there for my family member more in terms of carer but instead it's her husband and he himself has health issues......... While this sounds all childish, I'm at the edge of breaking and need to know where to turn before I go crazy and do something stupid x

Comments (1)

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  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    23 June 2015 at 09:56
    Edited on: 23 June 2015 at 16:08

    Hello,

    Stress, worry and emotional upset can sometimes get into a spiral...one that some days can feel like there is no let up...and the end of the tether has been reached. This morning sounds just such a day - and you're almost at breaking point.

    There are a number of understandable factors going on - the whole family may be stressed out about what is happening with your mum, and tensions running high. You've lost your job recently, and it sounds as though your mum's partner may be doing some of the caring you'd prefer to be doing. I don't know all the circumstances (but will message you privately so we can talk) - but you mention other family stuff going on to - so a big melting pot of tension generally.

    You mention you feel childish - and yet, when a parent is ill - sometimes the child in us comes to the fore, as this is big stuff, happening to a key figure in our lives.

    What I do hear, loud and clear, is that you are at breaking point. Your internal stress alarms are ringing...and if you haven't already, it would be a wise move to have a talk with your GP, so he or she can support this immediate stress.Drinking more, as you recognise, is only a band aid, and is a signal that you could do with help and support through this stressful period of your life...

    If you have family or friends who you feel would be there for you, you could give one of them a call today, to maybe offload?

    If you're near any of our Maggie's Centres - this would be a good day to drop in and introduce yourself - as there would be support available. You may need some counselling about the specific issues that are going on for you - and your GP or the Maggie's team may be able to help (they'll know what is available locally if you need some longer term counselling). Sometimes, simply telling someone face to face about the jumble of thoughts and stressors going on - can feel a huge relief. There will also be things there you can do, to help address the stress and how to manage it...

    I also wonder if you as a family, can face sitting down together and acknowledging how all this is making you all feel - for if you're stressed, I suspect there are similar feelings and upsets going on for all of them - and maybe they could be shared.

    Dropping into our online support group for Families, partners and friends, may also be a place where you can see that the motions you're feeling do happen, when you're in a caring role - and can help relieve the sense of isolation you may be feeling...

    You can always talk through things with Robyn or myself too...I'll message you this morning. Everything may feel insurmountable today, but with help, support and encouragement, there will be better days....

    Warm wishes

    Sue

     

     


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