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As well as sharing experiences with our friendly online community, registered members are able to contact our experienced online team. The Centre is staffed during office hours and the online team aim to reply within 24 hours.

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Picture of Topic  'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Topic

Topic 'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Share how you are feeling and swap tips for managing stress with other members and the online team

  • 186 conversations

feeling guilty

Started by Anonymous on 14 February 2012 at 22:50

In march 2009 at the age of 45 i was diagnosed with liver cancer .my parents visted in a hospital 50 miles away twice a day ,i left hospital march then my father was diagnosed with lung cancer in the november ,i feel so guilty would he have smoked so much if i had,nt caused him stress ?  after being diagnosed i never asked anything about treatment etc ,and so when he passed away i feel so guilty and in the meantime i have tried to take my life and i still feel that i want to 

 

Comments (2)

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  • From Anonymous
    15 February 2012 at 08:04

    Hi Cheryl,

    It is by no means your fault that your Dad got lung cancer. You were ill yorself at the time as well but he will have known that you loved and cared for him.

    They must really have adored and loved you which was proved by the fact that they travelled every day to visit you.

    Seek some counselling Cheryl. Are you able to talk to your Mum about how you are feeling?

    Beverley x


  • Picture of TomMa
    From TomMa
    17 February 2012 at 13:39

    Hi Cheryl,

    Your love of father comes through so clearly in your post - its understanding how devastating the last few months must have been. I've been speaking to my colleague Elspeth who heads up the Maggie's centre in Fife. 

    We both feel that beverleyw's response here is really helpful. Elspeth has asked me to share the following with you:

    "Hi Cheryl,

    "It's clear that you deearly loved your father - I often say that if someone is feeling guilty then what they really mean is that they have set out to do deliberate harm and there is absolutely no way that you did that to your father.

    "I think Beverley's suggestion to seek out face to face support is a really good one though. I would recommend talking to the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 as they are available 24 hours a day, but you can also talk to your GP who should be able to put you in touch with some local support groups. We always feel guilty and wish we had said or done things differently when someone we loved has died and we are raw in grief. Anger with what has happened can so easily turn in the way into anger at ourselves."

    I hope this helps - please keep in touch and let us know if there's anything further we can do to help.


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