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Topic Friends and family

For anyone supporting someone else with cancer

  • 156 conversations

Dad has stage4 kidney cancer

Started by Anonymous on 26 April 2017 at 20:29

Hi. Like many I'm new to this. 2 weeks ago my dad got his diagnosis - stage 4 kidney cancer with nodes (not sure if that's the right word) in his adrenal gland, lung and liver. He's been put on Sutent but told it might not work. He had to have three months of that before we will know if it's worked. I thought I was dealing with this. But a couple of days ago it suddenly hit me like a lorry - they can't cure this. All they can do is keep him alive longer. He got the final results a few days after his 70th birthday. It started with a trip to the doctor for a cough that lingered after a cold. An X-ray should a shadow on his lung which led to a CT scan which showed the kidney tumour - and the others. Needless to say this was a massive shock as the cough was the only sign that he wasn't 100%. Our family isn't great at sharing emotional stuff and my brother seems to be ignoring the fact that dad is seriously sick. I can't seem to move past the thought that "this is bad. This is really bad". Dad doesn't have any visible symptoms and the drug won't have huge side effects. If any one has any ideas on how I can get past the big sick feeling and constant repetition in my head of "this is bad" I'd really appreciate it as I can't do that for the next three months. Any advice welcome.

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  • From Anonymous
    20 September 2017 at 20:08

    Hi, My dad also has stage 4 kidney cancer so I understand the dread and panic you will be feeling. My dad was first diagnosed around 4 years ago and after having his kidney removed he was told he was cancer free. Unfortunately in January they confirmed the cancer had returned and was now in his lungs, nodes and bone. Hearing this I felt like I'd been hit by a bus and the panic overwhelmed me.... what's going to happen, how long do we have, will he be alone. This is what I repeated to myself every day. 9 months later my dad is still her, yes he's still terminal and yes he's get more poorly as time passes but you just have to live day to day and make the most of every second you have together. Make as many memories as you can and talk about the good times you've had together. Some of my favourite afternoons are when it's just me and my dad talking, or even just sitting in silence, just being together is what counts. Don't be afraid to ask him questions, the more you know the less scary the unknown becomes. I know this isn't much advice but I just wanted you to know your not alone and when the feelings do overwhelm you, there's someone here to talk to x


  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    27 April 2017 at 10:10
    Edited on: 27 April 2017 at 10:13

    Hello,

    The first thing I'd like to say, is that what you're feeling right now, sounds natural and normal. You've recently had a huge shock - and it often takes a few days/weeks for the reality of the situation to hit home. It can feel scary, as your mind may be swirling with thoughts about the future - and the potential loss of your dad at some point.

    Facing even the thought of losing someone we're close to, can shake us to the core. Everyone copes differently with news such as this - your brother maybe dealing with it by burying his head in the sand a little. Many people find that they can only cope with what is happening today, and squash down any discussions about what the future may hold.

    As your dad sounds to be managing the treatment, and seems physically quite well at the moment, things may be on an even keel for some time. It depends on how well your dad tolerates the Sutent - and the effect it has on the cancer. These initial feelings of shock, anxiety and sadness usually start to settle down, as the new routines around your dad's treatment and health start to feel part of everyday life.

    You may find at the moment that you can't concentrate, and that you're going over and over the news in your mind. It helps to talk these feeling through, and seek support for you too. For example, here online we run a weekly Family, partners and friends group, which you might find helpful? (see our group directory for details of our groups and courses).

    You'd also be welcome to drop in to one of our Maggie's Centres, if you live nearby? Here you can find both support for how you feel, and practical strategies to get through this difficult time.

    Additionally, you'll find information about kidney cancer support groups and organisations on our Maggie's Cancerlink's section on Kidney cancer.

    In the meantime, our online members may also have some supportive words to say, as we have many people who are carers. I'll also message you, and introduce myself - so you can talk anything through...

    Warm wishes

    Sue


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