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As well as sharing experiences with our friendly online community, registered members are able to contact our experienced online team. The Centre is staffed during office hours and the online team aim to reply within 24 hours.

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Picture of Topic Friends and family

Topic

Topic Friends and family

For anyone supporting someone else with cancer

  • 156 conversations

Crying for my dad

Started by Anonymous on 19 May 2017 at 18:54

Hi, Never done this before.... my dad is terminal and I don't normally live with him. However on Monday we all went to centre parcs together and since getting home all I seem to do is cry... I've seen how bad he is, how serious it is and the little bit of hope I had left that he could fight longer has gone. I'm scared and just so sad.... does grief start before death?

Comments (4)

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Displaying 4 comments

  • Picture of tdowning
    30 July 2017 at 21:38

    Thanks, today was a bit better. We went for a long walk, just doing things together.

    My own dad passed away three years ago, about 3 weeks short of 100. I'm not sure he remembered who we were when we visited but he enjoyed the company until the last few months. He thought he was 88 -- who knows what memories are part of the internal life of a person?

    Tom


  • From Anonymous
    30 July 2017 at 11:22

    Sorry to hear about your wife. My dad is still with us and it looks like he could possibly last another month or two. I find myself in tears at simple things too. Things that he used to enjoy and be part of and he doesn't even register that they are happening. A lot of outsiders say it's good that you still have him but the reality is that he is already gone. We took a picture in the sunshine the other day. It is a fabulous picture and he doesn't even look sick in it. I truly will treasure it - sadly he doesn't remember it so when he looks at the picture it's already distant for him. Thank you for your comment. Take care of yourself Amy


  • Picture of tdowning
    30 July 2017 at 09:08

    I'm new to Maggies, has your dad passed away now?

    My wife left us on Friday. Yes, the grief starts before the death and yes it doesn't get much better for now. Walking home from the park yesterday I felt such sadness and aloneness, cried for hours (with sunglasses on, trying to hide these emotions). 

    I know it gets better and patience with ourselves is vital. 

    Tom


  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    22 May 2017 at 09:58
    Edited on: 22 May 2017 at 10:55

    Hello,

    It sounds like it's been an emotional week...

    It's understandable why you're feeling scared and sad - the reality of seeing how unwell your dad is now, has possibly made the his future loss feel more inevitable?

    Seeing him, and the joy of your 'get together' at centre parcs a week ago, may have been tinged with sadness for all of you as a family. Grieving before someone dies is something we tend to do...'anticipatory grief' has been recognised for some time. (see my blog on 'cancer and anticipatory grief', which may help?).

    It sounds natural to be crying - but it can feel a lonely place. Are you able to share how you're feeling with your family, who may be going through similar emotions? Also, if you live near one of our Maggie's Centres, you'd be welcome to drop in...and talk through the maelstrom of feelings you're experiencing since seeing your dad.

    I'll message you to say hello too,

    Warm wishes

    Sue

     


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