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Moving on

Started by Anonymous on 21 February 2012 at 19:22
Edited on 21 February 2012 at 19:22

I thought that the end of treatment of my husbands cancer would see life get better. After coping quite well for seven long months why do I now feel so depressed? I am obsessed with the cancer returning and constantly imagine life on my own. How do I move on-I am wasting the good times now!

Any advice gratefully received!

Comments (7)

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Displaying 7 comments

  • From Anonymous
    04 April 2012 at 17:05

    Moving on

    Dear Bess

    I read your comments and know exactly how you feel, my husband finished six high dosage chemotherapy sessions for gastric cancer last November when we were told that his cancer tumour and spread have shrunk considerably and is now stable.  Like you I live in dread of it returning and the thought of being on my own is constantly on my mind, I look at him all the time as if I am trying to spot something out of the ordinary.  I try to protect him by not allowing him to do too much which is silly I know, he has always been the strong partner.  I was so pleased to read what you said and know others are in the same situation.  I really would appreciate you contacting me as this is the first time I have read a message which I can truly relate to.

    Best Wishes


  • From Anonymous
    19 March 2012 at 18:35

    Hi Bess At present I am going through the same thing. I had a kidney removed three months ago which was stagen2 cancer but even though they have got it all. I am still worried about the cancer coming back as well it is always in my mind. So I do know whatnyounare going through Take Care Carol McH

  • From Anonymous
    05 March 2012 at 20:27

    Hello Bess

    I too feel your pain. i have had cancer and I am currently recovering from the treatment etc. I too thought everything was going well until about two months ago when I started having these doubt worries and concerns about all sorts of problems and the cancer returning. It is true what the others have said, it is good to talk about it and air your fears and hopes for the future.

    If you need to chat let e know or anyone else on this site for that matter. :-)


    chin up



  • From Anonymous
    23 February 2012 at 10:02

    Dear Bess,

    It would be lovely to meet you at the carers group. What you are describing is a story that sounds very familiar. Time is a great healer in this as well as patience with yourself. Don't expect to 'feel normal' too early. For most people it takes some months after treatment for a 'new' normal to become clear. Expressing your feelings and not trying too hard 'to be strong' is a first step in a better direction.

    Warmest regards,


  • From Anonymous
    22 February 2012 at 17:57

    Thanks-I have felt very alone as people who have not been through it don't understand the dreadful fear this illness creates. At the moment it's like the big elephant in the the room that no one mentions. My hubby doesn't want to talk about cancer at all and I do need someone! I will try and join the Tuesday session as I live too far away from the centres. Thanks so much for your replies

  • Picture of Robyn
    From Robyn  
    22 February 2012 at 10:16

    Hello Bess

    As I am sure other members ( as Beverley has already)  will be in  touch to tell you – you are not alone .  Many people find that when treatment is completed they feel lost, depressed  and/or frightened by the loss of contact with the hospital.  When so much has changed it can be very hard to find some sort of “normal” just at a time when friends and family are expecting you to be glad it is all over and get on with things.....

     it can also be the first time you have had a chance to focus on you when the full impact of what you have been through ( and what might have been) hits home both emotionally and physically.

    It is not surprising that cancer is on your mind so much – it has been a major part of your day for so long and it will take time for both you and your husband to find  and be confident with your “new normal”

    It can really help to talk to others who are in a similar situation  as well as the message boards we also have an online carers group that you may be interested in.  The group runs on Tuesday evenings and is facilitated by Wendy, one of our psychologists.  You can find out more about the group and sign up here.  

    As Beverley suggests in her message counselling can also be beneficial ., If you are able to get to one of our centres you would be welcome to drop in.

    You may find a book the cancer survivours companion useful – it  is very readable and gives practical tips on  coping with emotions after cancer treatment . Although written for people with cancer much of it applies to carers as well.

    You are of course also welcome to send me a message anytime

     Best wishes


  • From Anonymous
    22 February 2012 at 08:22

    Hi Bess,

    It's very hard to move on from cancer once you have been, or someone you love has been affected by this awful disease. I have now been in remission for a year and a half and it is in my mind sometimes briefly every day.

    When you are ill you are rarely away from attending hospital appointments but when you are told you are clear the appointments lessen and there is no help with coping, after cancer.

    I find that I have got stronger now. Try to get on with whats in front of you and your lovely husband now . Live for today. Maybe even consider some counselling. Robyn is a brill person to talk to on Maggie's.

    Best Wishes

    Beverley x

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