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As well as sharing experiences with our friendly online community, registered members are able to contact our experienced online team. The Centre is staffed during office hours and the online team aim to reply within 24 hours.

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Picture of Topic  'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Topic

Topic 'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Share how you are feeling and swap tips for managing stress with other members and the online team

  • 186 conversations

Husband wants out

Started by Anonymous on 06 July 2015 at 08:27

Really struggling, my head is full of questions, worries, doubts ... my husband has decided that he doesnt want to stay in our marriage - as I am not the type of woman he wants to spend his life with.   I have asked him to come to counselling with me, or to go on his own to talk to someone about all this as there is so much at stake here, but he flatly refuses to talk to anyone at all.    What do I do?

Comments (1)

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  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    06 July 2015 at 09:36
    Edited on: 06 July 2015 at 14:18

    Hello,

    It sounds as though you feel at rock bottom this morning - and anyone who has been through a relationship breakdown will identify with your anxiety, bewilderment and sadness.

    There may be many triggers for the place you find yourself today - the stresses and strains of the previous months, as well as other factors known personally to you and him.

    It' s difficult when your husband feels he doesn't/can't talk about the difficulties and feeling he may have around his reasons for opting out. Heartbreaking for you too, who may be trying to make sense of what has tipped him into stating his decision to end the marriage.

    Sometimes, it's that the pressure is immense, and running away from the situation is easier than talking about it and tackling the deeper issues. Sadly, in some marriages, the wounds may seem too deep - and parting may have a sense of inevitability.

    It may be that things have been building up for a while, and now that he's put his feelings in 'black and white' it gives you both a chance to be honest with each other, and may have even cleared the air - but it needs more discussion to establish if this is truly how he feels or there is room for negotiation....

    Whilst leaving communication lines open with your husband, you also have to think of yourself too. Relate offer support and counselling for people with relationship concerns - and this can be for you, to help you get your head round things. Perhaps if your husband realise you are trying to seek support and solutions, he may decide to seek support himself too at some point. He may not....and that's the hard part...

    When cancer is added to the mix, it can test the strongest relationships - and sometimes they don't survive the stresses and strains the cancer and it's treatment has brought. Others grow stronger - but the relationship still may be changed, because the person with cancer may have changed.

    I'm going to message you personally, but our online members may have some ideas and suggestions of their own - to support you through this vulnerable and difficult time,

    Warm wishes

    Sue


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