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Picture of Topic Supporting someone with cancer


Topic Supporting someone with cancer

For anyone caring for someone with cancer

  • 149 conversations

Outlook post treatment

Started by Anonymous on 22 February 2018 at 14:08

Hi everyone 


I have a question and I’m not sure which way to turn or whether it’s something I can  even ask for help with. 


A few years ago, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She underwent a course of chemotherapy, radiotherapy and Herceptin and has been monitored ever since. Since her treatment completed, she has had no recurrences and all blood tests have come back clear even though the chances of this were unbelievably slim so to come this far is an amazing achievement.


What hasn’t been the same since treatment completed is her approach to life. I understand that being diagnosed can come as a big shock and it is something that isn’t easily combatted and that check-ups are a nerve wracking time for anyone who has been through this situation however her attitude towards this is I can only describe as being a bit off given how she was pre and during treatment where she was so positive.  


Her treatment completed around 3 years ago. Since then my father has been caring for her. He does all the meals and basically cares for her as if she is still really sick. I push her to do stuff and she does and she enjoys it but it’s almost as if a switch clicks in her mind that says she shouldn’t and she goes back to being glum and not being able to do anything. Every suggestion descends into an argument and there is just no reasoning or logic sometimes. I can see the effect it’s having on my father now and it’s really starting to upset me. I’m struggling to understand why she is being like this. My father is approaching 70 and I’m just so aware of the fact that this isn’t how he should be spending his life especially given how she was. It’s almost as if she has been replaced.


It’s hard to put this into words without sounding selfish. I know it’s hard to snap back to how it was or even restore some normality having been through such an experience. I don’t want to push it nor tell someone how to act or behave but I just feel like shaking her and saying, you’ve got something so many others haven’t and just make the most of it!!


I was wondering whether anyone out there had had a similar experience. Whether these are symptoms of depression and, if so, whether anyone had sought therapy in order to alter their thought processes or if it’s the chemotherapy that has done this?





A concerned daughter 

Comments (1)

Displaying 1 comments

  • Picture of Robyn
    From Robyn  
    23 February 2018 at 10:12
    Edited on: 23 February 2018 at 11:38

    Hello you sound a very caring and concerned daughter who is trying to support both of her parents. Some people can find it very challenging to find a ‘new normal ‘ following treatment for cancer and it may be that your mother needs some additional support to help her move forwards. She may have physical and/or emotional effects that she needs help with. You ask if she might be depressed - I am wondering if she has spoken to her GP about how low she has been feeling, had a check up to see if there are any underlying causes for her lack of energy or had any form of counselling following her diagnosis? . If you would like to message and let me know a bit more about your situation and which area you parents are based in we can talk things through in more detail in private.
    Best wishes

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