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As well as sharing experiences with our friendly online community, registered members are able to contact our experienced online team. The Centre is staffed during office hours and the online team aim to reply within 24 hours.

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Picture of Topic Living with loss


Topic Living with loss

For anyone who has lost someone due to cancer

  • 146 conversations

feeling tearful

Started by Anonymous on 20 December 2017 at 13:40

Hi i'm new to this but really struggling at the moment since finding out my husband has small cell lung cancer which has also spread to his brain. We have been told he has 1/2 years and although my husband has just taken it on the chin i feel like my life has fallen apart, and cant stop feeling low. For the last 18 years i have been a stay at home mum looking after my family and loved life. Ten years ago my husband had to retire from work through ill health, nothing to do with cancer, so i became his full time carer. I have so much sadness going on in my mind but trying my best to but on a brave face, my husband is not one to talk about things and goes on with day to day things as if he has a cold, but me i am a born worrier and am frightened for mine and my girls futere, and how we will cope mentaly and fianancial, not coping at the moment.

Comments (1)

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  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    21 December 2017 at 09:54
    Edited on: 21 December 2017 at 10:11


    What a difficult and emotional time for you and your family. How you're feeling just now sounds totally understandable, with your mind trying to focus on the present, whilst imagining all the 'what if's' that may lie ahead.

    Hearing about your husband's diagnosis, and the limited time span he may have left, is a huge life event. Your husband may be coping in the only way he knows how...possibly blanking out the reality of what he's heard, and just getting on day by day. You both may be putting a brave face on for each other - but there may be practical things to sort out.

    If you'd like Tom (Tombenefits) to get in touch with you after Christmas, he could talk through some of your financial worries - help you know what you might need to sort out, and what you're entitled to?

    Meanwhile, if you're living near one of our Maggie's Centres, do pop in....we're open today and tomorrow, then back on the 3rd January. Talking to our team, can help clear some of your thoughts, assure you it's normal to feel that way - and help see what you can do to feel back in control of what is happening. It doesnt take the sadness away, but may help reduce the sense of panic you might be feeling just now.

    You've looked after your husband over his period of ill health in the last ten years, and being a carer can feel isolating. Let your/his GP know how you feel, and ask how they might support you over the next few months. It sounds like a specialist palliative care referral might be something to ask about. Please dont worry when I say that - the community palliative care nurse specialist is an advisor and support...and early referrals mean that you get to know each other before any possible bigger issues arrive.

    I imagine he'll be offered some form of palliative treatment, perhaps radiotherapy for his brain metastases, etc - and that might be something to focus on initially.

    There's a couple of blogs that you may find helpful - 'What cancer means for carers' and 'Cancer and anticipatory grief'. We also have a useful Maggie's Cancerlink's section on 'Supporting someone'...

    I'll send you a personal message to introduce myself...and you can message Robyn or me to talk anything through...

    Warm wishes



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