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Picture of Topic  'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions


Topic 'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Share how you are feeling and swap tips for managing stress with other members and the online team

  • 186 conversations

Check ups and how to cope.

Started by pamcan1 on 14 January 2015 at 08:37

I get so angry and tearful before my check ups. My partner can't say or do anything right. It makes me feel bad how snippy I am but I sometimes do feel he is not doing enough tho he probably is. A lot of this may stem back to when I was first diagnosed and my partner at the time was really not there for me! I hate this feeling and I can see how people will say it's ok to be angry and scared but I need a way to cope I have three check ups a year so it's happening quite often. I hate when they say I'll just sit outside!! I want to scream sorry I've inconvienced your life by being ill!! Oh I better stop. Lol Grateful for any advice xx

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Comments (4)

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Displaying 4 comments

  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    14 January 2015 at 12:16


    That's great to's exactly what Maggie's does best...and it's a courageous step you took, going back there after so many years. This could be the start of emotional recovery...

    Warm wishes


  • Picture of pamcan1
    From pamcan1
    14 January 2015 at 12:07

    Good news I've been to Maggies and help is at hand. ??

  • Picture of pamcan1
    From pamcan1
    14 January 2015 at 11:00

    Thanks Sue there is lots and lots there for me to think about! The use of the word ineffectiveness really made me chuckle , that's sums it up wonderfully. I live near Maggies Edinburgh and used it lots during treatment. I don't know if I could actually walk back in. Maybe I should call and find out about the stress course.

  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    14 January 2015 at 10:22
    Edited on: 14 January 2015 at 10:41


    It can sometimes feel a lonely place, when you're facing key appointments. Cancer check ups, during and post treatments seem to generate stress for nearly everyone, and understandably so. It can be a reminder of a time in your life when everything felt out of control, of being vulnerable and frightened.

    There can be fear that something new may be found, and the hospital smells and familiar corridors may be a powerful reminder of those early days at diagnosis. Many people say that the relief felt when the check up is over with is immense. Having said that, occasionally people feel worried when the follow up appointments finish, and they're discharged entirely.

    In your situation, you may have felt angry and disappointed at the time, by your then partner's ineffectiveness. You needed someone to care deeply and support you, and he may not have helped you at that critical time.

    Although your life has moved on, generally, it sounds like those old feelings of anger and agitation return as each appointment draws near. A bit like 'kicking the cat', your current partner is perhaps on the receiving end, of that original anger? Some men don't cope with sitting in their partner's appointments...not sure what to do or say, and more comfortable perched outside. Maybe he needs asking gently, if he'll keep you company in there, because you need a friend with you?

    I'm not sure if you live near any of our Maggie's Centres - if you do, we would be a good place to visit. You could enquire about our 'Managing stress' courses. You can also ask for an individual appointment with someone to help work out the trigger factors for your stress, and how to manage them.

    In the short term, relaxation exercises can sometimes help ease the physical effects of the stress you are feeling. (You may find Maggie's Cancerlinks sections on 'breathing and relaxation exercises and Managing stress helpful here). Trying to imagine how good it feels once the appointment is over, what you're going to do to reward yourself (nice calls to friends...relaxing), can help unwind a little too..?

    Many people have said they find 'The Cancer Survivor's Companion' (2013), by Lucy Atkins and Dr. Frances Goodhart to be a good read. Anger is one of the topics they explore....

    If anyone else has any suggestions of how they get through the build up to important appointments, and/or identify with how you comment.

    In the meantime, you are most welcome message Robyn or myself anytime for one to one support.

    Best wishes


Displaying 4 comments

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