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Picture of Topic  'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Topic

Topic 'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Share how you are feeling and swap tips for managing stress with other members and the online team

  • 186 conversations

anger

Started by Anonymous on 15 July 2012 at 12:47

I have just joined here as a last resort. I was diagnosed with breast cancer a year ago, am single mother with a son aged two now.

I just cant accept the diagnosis. I cannot tell you the UTTER BLIND FURY i feel. Its a year on and I feel worse not better. I have had a mastectomy, chemo and radio. I am now 41. I am on tamoxifen and I am watching what little fertility I have go as mreant to be on it for 5 years. i have had months of CBT, been on two lots antidepressants, have wonderful friends and family. Every single one of my friends is either pregnant or had a baby in the last year. I always was scared I would have cancer. my mother died young of it. I never smoked, and v slim, exercise, but no, this is not enough is it to stop me getting cancer. I am wishing horrible things on others, I wish my friends would experience this. I am SICK of people telling me to be positive . It has totally absolutely ruined my life. The only reason I have to go for is my son. the axe is waiting to fall on me and just waiting for recurrence. I honestly want to hit someone

Comments (3)

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Displaying 3 comments

  • From Anonymous
    04 September 2012 at 00:12

    Hi Fleur

    I can completely identify with what you are saying. I was widowed in March 2012 aged 34.  I ahve 2 children then aged 7 and 3. My son was 16 months old when my husband was diagnosed. cancer robbed me of my husband and every hope and dream i had. it also meant i couldn't enjoy my children. Gripped with fear and endless rounds of operations and chemo. You try, but their is life before cancer and life after and the 2 will never be the same.

    I hate the continuos 'be positive' attitude. It makes cancer sufferers feel responsible for their illness. If you were only positive - it would all be ok. The only benefit is you make other people feel more comfortable around you.

    I went to see a friend (20 years we have known each other) recently who had a new baby (her third). She looked me straight in the eye and asked me:

    'do you think you'll have any more kids'

    I thought, i am a 34 year old widow with 2 young children... how is that goung to happen???????

    Sometimes i wonder if people i've known for decades have any clue what my life is like. i expect you too feel isolated and that your 'support network' of friends are more like aliens from another planet.

    I am so pleased you have found maggies online. let it all out, because this is where you will find someone who understands.

    Tamsin xxxxxxxxxxx


  • Picture of Robyn
    From Robyn  
    18 July 2012 at 12:11

    Hello 

    Firstly anger is a completely normal response both during and after cancer treatment  and, as it sounds from what you have written, can be for many reasons and itself contain many different emotions.  

    You have been through a really tough time with lengthy treatment (whilst also looking after your son)  and  many people find that it is only when the treatment  finishes  and there is  less contact with the  hospital that  there is time to express emotions and grieve losses caused by your diagnosis and treatment  that have been  bubbling away... often at a time when others expect you to feel better and to start rebuilding your life...

    You mention that you have been having CBT , It can also  really help to talk to others who are in a similar situation. I don’t know where you are based you would be welcome to drop into any of our centres  where you can just come and talk or join in some groups/courses for example  many  centres run our “where now” course which is designed to help you to find your way forwards after cancer treatments . If you can’t get to a centre or prefer to stay online then you are of course welcome here at Maggie’s online centre.

    You may be interested in our Living with cancer online support group,  this runs on a Tuesday evening and can be a really useful space to share with others.  You can find out more about our online support groups and sign up here

    Have you spoken to your healthcare team about how you are feeling about the Tamoxifen and also about  how concerned you are about your fertility? 

    It sounds from the way you write as if you want to change how you are feeling  and are determined to do so for your son.  A book with a very practical approach to coping with feelings after cancer is the Cancer Survivor’s companion.  A range of emotions are covered however,  it has a chapter on managing a dealing with anger that I think you would find very useful in developing strategies to move forwards.

    You are also welcome to send me a message anytime

     Best wishes

     Robyn


  • From Anonymous
    15 July 2012 at 13:43

    Hi Fleur,

    I understand your anger totally as it's very hard to get your life back to normal after cancer. I at times, feel the same way and have been in remission now for 2 years. I don't think there is such a thing as normal after having cancer and I find people's attitudes towards remission is that all of a sudden you are back to being that fit person again when that is certainly not the case. Please message me if you would like to chat.

    Beverley


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