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Picture of Topic  'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions


Topic 'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Share how you are feeling and swap tips for managing stress with other members and the online team

  • 186 conversations

relative with cancer

Started by Anonymous on 21 December 2015 at 23:25
Edited on 21 December 2015 at 23:25

6 weeks ago my wife was diagnosed with grade3 cancer in the womb,she has since had a hysterectomy are now waiting on results how do you overcome the fear of not knowing

Comments (5)

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Displaying 5 comments

  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    29 January 2016 at 10:33

    Thank you for letting us know how things are sounds a very long day yesterday, time seems to drag in hospitals...lots of waiting aorund, and wondering what happens next.

    I do hope the first chemotherapy session next week goes well, and her side effects are minimal. Hoping you're OK's been a tough few months.

    Warm wishes


  • From Anonymous
    28 January 2016 at 22:41

    Well that was a long day 9 30 till 5 . My wife had a dye injected into her ,then 3 blood tests over the next 4 hrs then hr and half wait before we met the chemo nurse another week and then the chemo will start ,I just hope its not too bad for her as she seems well over her op from before Christmas. Still fingers crossed lets hope it works

  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    23 December 2015 at 16:10
    Edited on: 23 December 2015 at 16:29

    It's something that partners in general, but particularly men, do often explain to us here at Maggie's. One of the many thoughts and fears that may be going through your mind , is the possibilty of losing someone you love - and also wondering if you can still be a source of strength and comfort, when you're scared too.

    After 45 years of marriage, you're likely to be have become a very united couple...who have faced many things over the years. This may feel the biggest thing yet...and it can be very frustrating, as it's not something you can fix or change.

    You mentioned you have many questions, and so I'll send you a personal message, and maybe we can talk through some of these...two heads can be better than one. Sometimes it's just thinking and planning how you both might cope with the findings discussed at the next thinking of the questions to ask at that point can be helpful...

    Warm wishes


  • From Anonymous
    23 December 2015 at 15:46

    Hello Sue I'm finding it very hard to cope with this period of just waiting there are so many questions I keep thinking of I know though none of them can be answered really till we know the results from the biopsy . My wife is standing up better than I am, we have been married for 45yrs and I'm really worried about the outcome Thankyou Percy

  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    23 December 2015 at 11:55
    Edited on: 23 December 2015 at 11:58


    Many people reading this message will be identifying with how you feel. The wait for results can feel unbearable...the clock ticks much more slowly, and you may find your mind going through all sorts of different scenarios.

    When it's someone you care about who is facing uncertainty, it can add an extra layer of anxiety. You may be wondering how best to support them, as well as deal with your own fears and worries about what the future may hold.

    The results will help determine the next step - with treatment plans unfolding, and perhaps a feeling of being back in control, as you both will have all the information to move forward. It's this interminable period which can be the fearful part...

    You asked how people overcome those fears, and it's a good question...

    Taking some element of control over the situation can help as it's the helplessness which can feel disabling...and this can be in a number of ways.

    Talking to people about the situation you're facing, and keeping communication channels open, between each other and those around you, can ease some of the pressure. The support of others can be very helpful at times like this.

    If you live near one of our Maggie's Centres, do drop in and meet the team. You'll meet others facing similar issues, and also find ways of getting through the difficult times - practically, emotionally and physically. You and your wife may also find the Maggie's Cancerlink's section on 'Managing emotions' to be useful, with suggestions on managing stress, personal relationships, emotions, etc.

    Filling the time, between now, and the appointment for results, can be a good strategy - distracting yourselves from overthinking. With many cancers, there is a healing time needed post surgery before the next set of treatments. Therefore, in a way, your wife has started treatment, and this would be a natural 'rest' getting better physically, good diet, gentle exercise, etc, helps prepare for the next treatment step. 

    The fears you're feeling are natural, and there are no easy answers. You and your wife are probably still working through the shock of her diagnosis, and life plans will have gone on hold, till you know more about what lies ahead. Then, ironically, once you have the results, things may feel less daunting...

    You're also welcome to use any of the resources you've found here at Maggie's Online Centre, and that includes messaging Robyn or myself for some one to one support...

    Warm wishes


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