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As well as sharing experiences with our friendly online community, registered members are able to contact our experienced online team. The Centre is staffed during office hours and the online team aim to reply within 24 hours.

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'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Share how you are feeling and swap tips for managing stress with other members and the online team

  • 169 conversations

my mum

Started by Anonymous on 12 December 2016 at 19:43

Today i am feeling lost. My mum got diagnosed with secondary bowel cancer 18m ago , 1 month before my first child was born. Over the last 18m we have battled with the treatments, good months and bad months. I got married in Nov this year and luckily she wasn't on chemotherapy so she could enjoy the day. The other day she got her results and it has spread more in the liver and is now in her lung. She may have to have radiotherapy too and is seeing a specialist this week. I am in the middle of moving , with a toddler and feel completley lost. I have no idea how to support my mum ( as she is a very positive person ) I have no idea how to act, think or feel. Am i being selfish for thinking bad thoughts , always thinking the worst? What if this is the last christmas ? I can't bare the thought as my mum is only 56. How can i live my life normally when she is going through this ?

Comments (3)

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  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    08 September 2017 at 09:23
    Edited on: 08 September 2017 at 12:07

    Hello,

    There sounds to be a huge amount of change and loss going on for you at the moment. Your own cancer diagnosis and treatment and the recent loss of your mum is a lot to deal with.

    I think many of us can identify with the internet searching - looking for answers to big questions - and ending up seeing things that have upset you. The bereavement group sounds a good idea...and generally the aim of any group like this, will be a supportive one. You'll meet meeting people who understand what you're feeling and going through.

    Let them know you're nervous, when you go - it's a bit like the first day at school, where it feels you dont know anyone, and that you're not sure how it's going to go.

    If you live near one of our Maggie's Centres, I hope you'll feel able to drop in, and perhaps talk through what's been going on in your mind lately - the you tube video has upset you, and it sounds like it's going round and round on 'repeat' in your mind. These thoughts should gradually subside...

    I'll send you a personal message to introduce myself - it may help to talk through what's going on for you, on a one to one basis....

    Warm wishes

    Sue

     

     


  • From Anonymous
    07 September 2017 at 20:18

    Today I feel scared I am going to a bereavment group for the first time next week  my mum passed away recently and I went on line and watched a you tube video on crossing over that has messed me up now .On top of this I will be starting Radiotherapy treatment on my breast. ×


  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    19 December 2016 at 16:15

    Hello,

    This sounds an emotional and challenging time for you...and I'm not surprised to hear how lost you feel. There's so much going on in your life generally, all big life events, and then on top of that you're facing the news that your mum's cancer has spread.

    By the time you read this, you may have some more information about future treatments - given with the aim to hold back the cancer as long as possible. You're not selfish in thinking of worst case scenarios...it's natural to be mentally preparing yourself for the possibiltiy of losing her, even if it may be some time away yet.

    You sound close emotionally to your mum, and you may find she tries to protect you from some of the turmoil that she is feeling. She may still want to cope by focusing on treatments which can buy more time.

    Being there for her when you can, offering support but acknowledging how tough it is for all of you, can be the way forward. It's OK to admit that this has floored you, but that you're there for her...if she wants to talk, then let her...it's tempting to say, 'oh everything will be fine'...which sometimes closes off deeper conversations...

    You may find, however, that your mum goes into practical mode, and doesnt talk about the deeper stuff to start with...and that's Ok too...

    Christmas is a challenge at times like this...so many memories are made, and emotions can lie near the surface. Take things a day at a time, if you can, and with your hectic home schedule, I hope you can get some 'me' time, and a bit of a rest...it may all feel very unsettling with having just moved too...

    You've a lot on your plate, so do get support for you too...you're welcome to message Robyn or myself, if you'd like to talk anything through on a one to one basis...

    Warm wishes

    Sue


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