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As well as sharing experiences with our friendly online community, registered members are able to contact our experienced online team. The Centre is staffed during office hours and the online team aim to reply within 24 hours.

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Topic

Parents with cancer

Conversations for anyone whose child (young or adult) has been affected by cancer

  • 7 conversations

Scared daughter

Started by Anonymous on 16 July 2017 at 10:28

My daughter is nearly 10 and found out about my cancer in not the best way.I had to take her to an appointment at the doctors, nothing about my cancer but the notes was on the screan and she read the notes. She was so upset when leaving the doctors one because i have cancer and the other because i had not told her. I have been open with her from that point. She does keep alot to her self though bless her. She came to me last night and asked if my life is at risk. I was shocked and unsure how to talk about that. One of the nurses said to me never promise the children anything and it has stuck. I want to tell her that when my other treatment is over it will be all good but no one knows if it will be but i also dont want her to think i am going to pass away either because it could all be good.

We lost my grandad 2 years ago to cancer and she was very close to him and im not sure if she is linking it togethe. I have told her mine is nothing like grandads but i dread to think what she thinks about, she is so scared of upsetting me by talking about it all i have told her she can talk to me when ever but still think she is keeping alot back.

Any one in the same boat would be grat to hear from you.

Amanda 

 

Comments (1)

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  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    17 July 2017 at 10:15

    Hello Amanda,

    I hope you dont mind me adding a word or too here - I know that really you need to hear from other parents, and their experiences. In the meantime, maybe I can be a help too?

    Your daughter sounds a loving and mature 10 year old girl...who like many children, takes in far more than we take credit for. It's good that she opened up, and asked you about what the future holds - and it's OK to acknowledge that you dont know the answer yet - but the aim is for the treatment to get you better. It sounds wise to explain that the cancer you have as very different to her grandad's...that there are over 200 different types, and many of them do well with treatment.

    It may help to explain to her that at the moment the doctors and you are looking for you to get better from this. Gently explain that if the situation changes at any time, you'd always let her know...it's about being open, honest and yet providing a sense of security. Tell her you won't keep secrets away from her...and perhaps reassure of other grown ups who are around in her life, who are well, and there for her.

    Maybe channel her energies - finding things to do around the house, and encouraging her to still have fun too. She may not be able to explain totally how she feels - being a bit quieter than normal, or over attentive.

    You sound a loving, caring mum, with a lot going on. I encourage any other people who have experienced helping their child when cancer is in the family, to get in touch...

    You're also very welcome to message Robyn or myself to talk any worries through...you may also find our Maggie's Cancerlink's section - 'Talking to children about cancer' helpful.

    Warm wishes

    Sue

     


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