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Topic After cancer treatment

Finished treatment? Trying to find a new normal or perhaps feeling a bit lost and anxious - share experiences and practical tips with other members and the online team.

  • 42 conversations

Mixed Emotions

Started by Anonymous on 03 April 2018 at 17:40

Hi all - first post here so forgive me as it's quite long.

I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in March last year stage 1b1. I had a radical trachelectomy and lymph node removal end April, had 6 weeks off work to recover and then went back to work full time from June 2017.

I've had my 12 month MRI check up a couple of months ago and everything was in order.

I've got another check up coming up next week and always seems to have a very wobbly day emotionally about a week before.

I'm 34 and feel that people expect me to be 'over it' by now. So at the same time I feel guilty for having a bad day. I am aware my situation could have been worse ( i didn't need any chemo/radio and i hopefully still have my fertility) but it still hits me like a bolt from the blue sometimes.

I am planning my wedding at the moment ( getting married on 2nd June) and although this is a happy event to plan, every now and then it hits me that i'm going full steam ahead with my life and what if it comes back?

It's hard to explain to people who haven't had it, as they expect you to be 'back to normal'.

I'm not sure what my normal is yet. My working life is going well but every now and then i have a bad few days emotionally and it knocks my confidence - am i going to drop a ball? Are people getting impatient with me if i work from home rather than come into the office?

I'm a very sociable and outgoing person at work so find it very difficult to pretend to be ok if i am not, so tend to retreat into myself for a few days.

 

Keen to hear how other people manage this roller coaster! Thanks in advance x

Comments (1)

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  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    04 April 2018 at 11:59
    Edited on: 09 April 2018 at 10:49

    Hello,

    You may have noticed that your message has struck a common chord with other online visitors - we've had several recently, struggling with similar issues.

    Life after cancer treatment often continues the roller coaster of emotions felt since diagnosis. understandably so, as for a time, you've been dealing with something that had the potential to make you more ill. It's lovely to hear that the treatment is finished, and everything is in order. However, the anniversary of the original cancer diagnosis, and check ups generally do bring back all the original emotions.

    You may have got through the treatment relatively emotionally secure...often people tell me they put the blinkers on, head down, and simply get on with the things that will treat the cancer. It's often only afterwards that the impact of what you've been through hits home. This may be just when all your friends and family are expressing delight at how well you've done, and how 'lucky' you are?

    However, there are likely to be times when you still feel scared about the future, and wondering if the cancer will come back. That naturally creates worry and times where you feel you need to withdraw a bit from everyone.

    You may see I've written some general advice in a similar post today 'Good at pretending', which you may find helpful. There's also an article, 'Coping with the fear of recurrence', (Cancer.Net) which might be a handy read?

    You've a lot going on with the wedding coming up, and the recent check up may have stirred up your feelings even more.

    Finally, I encourage others, who have experienced what you're feeling, to get in touch...

    You can also message Robyn or myself if you'd like to explore how you're feeling further,

    Warm wishes

    Sue


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