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Picture of Topic  'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions


Topic 'Today I am feeling' - managing emotions

Share how you are feeling and swap tips for managing stress with other members and the online team

  • 186 conversations

Very fed up.

Started by Anonymous on 22 July 2011 at 19:30
Edited on 24 July 2011 at 10:13

Ever been lied too? The difference between a lie to get out of trouble, and a lie that is a huge denial is colossal.

So many conflicating tales of treatment. I just got used to idea of what I was facing, and it all changes. Who has been lying, and who is lying now. My head is buzzing in that horrible way again. I have heard nothing but bad stuff about chemotherapy, and now I have to face a mastecomy as a worn out, white and bald cancer victim. This is not anywhere near what what I wanted, I wanted to have the mastecomy first, and look like the patient after. All this trouble, bother and despair is because I want immediate reconstruction, not multiple operations.  I do not think good things about oncologists/plastics right now. I think, for the first time, that dying is an actual possiblilty.....if the stress doesn't get me, bureaucracy might.


Comments (6)

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Displaying 6 comments

  • From Anonymous
    24 July 2011 at 12:11

    Hi all.....Nick, I am so sorry you had to go throught that, and I really know where you are at...not because of this, but when I had a sereve prolapse and had also to explain in front of a crowded waiting room about how I was unable to contain my bladder...that was just over 2 years ago. I have taken a deep breath, and thank you...I feel calmer (though it should make me angrier) knowing it's not just me. I suppose they harden themselves to our being vunerable, but it still stinks. I think for me it hits so hard because as I've piled on the weight after the hysterecomy, I now have dd boobs.....visual impact for sure!! Not anything you can explain away simply or with a sticking plaster. I am also exact same shape as a lady about 8 months preggers, and have been asked if I am expecting! The impact and effect is enormous..

  • Picture of lorraine
    24 July 2011 at 11:25

    hi Triximum,

    like nick said it is very frightening and somtimes a scary place to be when cancer is involved, we have been mucked about somthing rotten by the medical world and at times we have been in tears because your made to feel stupid and when you feel vunarable that feels like your banging your head of a brick wall eh?.

    so count to ten and breathe deep ( easier said than done) i scream and shout take it out on the people i should be not be taking it out on but we're all trying to deal with a terrible situation , take care.

    And nick what a way to be treated unreal my friend i would have blown a gasket for sure :) i hope you sort this out tomorrow please let us know how things go and you will need to lie on your tummy to get some sleep poor you, take care.

    lorraine xx

  • From Anonymous
    24 July 2011 at 11:02
    Edited on: 24 July 2011 at 11:49

    Hi Triximum,


    Not being a frequent flier until my stroke and cancer diagnosis, I still find the environment puzzling. I could have joined you with a rant on Friday, when the insensitivity of the receptionist had forced me to air to the whole waiting room my personal issues and circumstance. Which Identified me as different and i felt prejudiced as well as let down. I had called an hour and a half before to see if the nurse was available, for often i require a little support with infection and wished to find out if I should see a doctor. She advised me to come back in an hour or so and the nurse would see me, part of the annoyance following a 30 mile round trip was that she now would not and the receptionist told me she would put me on the emergency list and a doctor would be in touch. Having just asked me "what is your problem to the open reception"

    Having pointed out that the subcutaneous cyst that has just appeared on my back may become infected, being a Friday , this would leave me in trouble over the weekend as I have cancer of the immune system!! I wished to not add to the strain on the system, but prevent from adding to it, not be singled out as an emergency as this will be a very frequent part of the rest of my life. So wished for advise from the nurse. DENIED following my arrangement to see her, so humiliated in front of a community, and forced to come out about my cancer , I am upset.

    I did not put my self on the emergency list as I was not at the time, however pointed out that I may become over the weekend and if that is my option I will then!! Needless to say I am now in trouble and short of self medicating with anti biotics and a poultice. I will have to wait until Monday morning or suffer the indignity of ER. So I will be on the phone 0830 prompt to get a place with a GP, guess we will be meeting again very soon. The net result is this was unsatisfactory for me as a patient and a person and only adds to the feelings of despair at times, when you know you need medical support, not by choice but necessity at times, but can not get it!!!

    I understand that those who work for the system may not always be able to understand our viewpoint, but when you are upset, unwell and worried and wish to be able to function as a normal person. You wish your needs to be heard.  FRUSTRATING

     So triximum rant away, I do understand in a way. I wish you luck in a solution that is medically viable and possible. Although time will probably be the decider in all this. Good luck, and keep us posted.

    Nick xx

  • From Anonymous
    24 July 2011 at 09:19
    Edited on: 24 July 2011 at 12:43


    First of all the oncology people have saved my life and many others too. I can tell you are very unhappy about having to have chemo but all the specialists meet up together and discuss you as an individual once a week at an MDT meeting and in turn they decide what the best treatment is needed for you.

    I think Maggie's site is a good way to vent how you feel but to do so with abusive language is unessesary. We are all here to support one another through the bad times and the good but remember young people are members of this site too and maybe private messaging would be better to vent for you than a conversation board for all to see.


  • From Anonymous
    23 July 2011 at 17:20
    Edited on: 24 July 2011 at 10:17

    Hi Beverly. Thanks for the comment, but the point is being missed here. Instead of facing a mastecomy as a fit and well person, and get chemo after, I am told I will be put on chemo until there is a slot to get the op!

    I will face major surgery weakened before I start. I couldn't give a rats about my's about them then claiming that I'm not well enough for reconstruction.....and I am going to doc and getting legal advice too.....if they are going to kill me because I will not roll and play the game of 'Oh excuse me..I'm in the wrong place because I didn't pay,' then I want hubby and girls to be able to sue them. I paid for many years into nhs, and I expect my choice to be respected...not sneered at. They have made me feel like a Lidl customer who wandered into Harrods by mistake, would I kindly leave the building. Just because I wipe my butt with Cushelle and not dior does NOT give them the right to treat me with contempt. Edited for the young 'uns, but to's not about the's about the 16 week wait before I even get to surgery, and russian roulette being played with my life.

  • From Anonymous
    23 July 2011 at 15:28

    Chemotherapy isn't pleasant but it is possible to get through it and I have got through it. Everyone reacts to chemo treatment differently. I was told by my consultant before I started it that it would be the worst few months of my life as I would be given one of the strongest chemo's. I lost all of my hair after the second session and believe me my hair was my pride and joy. Before my hair went I went to see a wig specialist who was amazing. When I went back for my wig fitting I cried but the wig she picked for me was exactly like my own hair and gave me confidence to go out. At home I wore bandana's which were a god send. The wig was provided free of charge as well and only needed to be washed once every 3 weeks. My hair has grown back now twice as thick and just as curly as it used to be.

    Chemo is hard but you have to face it positively. I was only sick once during the 8 months as they have some fantastic anti sickness drugs now such as ondandestron. 8 months seems like a long time but it flew by and now I have been in remission for over a year. Chemo helps you get better. It is tough but you will get through it. Stay positive.

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