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As well as sharing experiences with our friendly online community, registered members are able to contact our experienced online team. The Centre is staffed during office hours and the online team aim to reply within 24 hours.

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Topic

Topic After cancer treatment

Finished treatment? Trying to find a new normal or perhaps feeling a bit lost and anxious - share experiences and practical tips with other members and the online team.

  • 42 conversations

Its very odd...

Started by Anonymous on 09 October 2016 at 16:20

Hi, I was diagnosed with T1G3 bladder cancer in April this year and was recomended that my bladder be removed.  It was a shock to be truthful but on 3 May 2016 (its imprinted on my brain) I went in for a readical cystprostatectomy with neo bladder formation (a new bladder made from a section of my small intestine).  After 4.5 in surgery and 15 days in the hospital the deed was done.  My histology results in June were very good and my consultant, Mr Shah; was very pleased as was I.  The cancer had not grown back in my bladder after the removed the tumour during a TURBT in March, my pelvic and thorax CT scans were clear and lymphnodes did not show any sign of cancer. 

In August I returned to work in a phased return and am now back full time.  I am healthy and bar the odd accident with my new bladder as I had to learn how to use the loo again which was a stress in itself all is well (thank God for Tena for Men haha).  I am mainly continent during the day though bed time is a different matter in that I have to get up every 2 hours.

The odd bit is that I want to cry at the damndest times.  No reason, it just comes on.  I go quiet, sad and then want to cry.  Just sitting here typing this brings tears.  I do not know why or what I am mourning but its not normal.  I have a new normal now but hope this is not part of it ongoing.

Comments (2)

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  • From Anonymous
    11 October 2016 at 08:30

    I think I was as physically prepared as possible the day of my surgery but I wasn't mentally pready for what was going to happen and the changes it would make.  With hindsight I surely wished I had spoken to someone when it was offered but because the diagnosis and treatment were so clos together I wonder if I would have ever been prepared.  Do not get me wrong, I am glad it was done quickly as I think I would have dwelled on the cancer and wondered what it was doing inside me at that moment which would have been so much worse! 


  • Picture of SusieQ
    From SusieQ  
    10 October 2016 at 12:56
    Edited on: 10 October 2016 at 15:53

    Hello,

    It makes total sense that you may be grieving the 'old you'...and also still processing what has been a physical and psychological whirlwind, over the last four or five months.

    It may be only now, as you're safely through the main cancer treatment, that your emotional adjustment can happen...and feeling tearful at unexpected times is possibly part of this process.

    Men often struggle with the emotional aspects of cancer diagnosis, treatment and beyond. Conditioned often from an early age, to keep tears at bay, the suddenness of a life changing event can test the male emotional reservoir.

    Often getting on with the practicalities, and life saving aspects of cancer treatment, fits well in the 'fixing it' process. However, now the blinkers are off...you're back at work, and your mind is possibly telling you '...now it's time to be sad about what we've been through'. The next natural step, which can take many months, is learning to live with the 'new normal'. Physically, it sounds like you're almost there...and now the mind is catching up.

    Thank you for talking openly about it...as other online members reading this, will be identifying with what you say. I wrote a blog on the subject last year, which may provide some useful background information...'Cancer, men and emotions'.

    Something else we have just initiated here online, is 'Men at Maggie's' - a weekly support group/get together...on Thursdays, 10.30am - 11.30am, which might be something to consider at some point? Alternatively, or as well, we have a 'where Now' course, for people who have had cancer treatment, and are trying to adjust to the 'new normal' you mentioned. (For all our online groups, courses and workshops - follow the link here).

    I hope you'll get in touch with Robyn or myself, if you'd like to talk anything through...

    Warm wishes

    Sue


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