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Cancer - the word which can strike a sentence.

by Anonymous

21 February 2012 at 21:34

Saying goodbye is the hardest thing

Life is never easy - I know that as do most of the people who write on here. When you are given a diagnosis of "a few months" you kind of work out when "a few months" will end.. then you start dare to think of the "what ifs" .. it may not be a few months, it may be more. And then you get this sinking feeling (which you push to one side) that it may be less. Unfortunately, it was less.Ten Weeks and four days to be precise from diagnosis.

We lost my lovely, lovely mother-in-law on 12th Feb at 13.15 ... she did not have the months we were first promised and we all feel very robbed. I still remember that fateful day - 30th Nov at 2.29 AM  when the registra came round to tell us that she did not have an ear infection but metastised ovarian cancer to the brain. They were very sorry, there was no cure, it was life-limiting, she would not have long left, that they had no idea ovarian cancer would travel to the brain. 10 weeks and 4 days on, she dies.

Her illness in the last few weeks was shocking - she lost mobility, she lost her sharpness and she lost her hope. I cannot believe she has gone - the last week saw such a dramatic turn of events where she gradually become more and more ill. She went from being this sparky lady, full of fun and optimism to crying everytime she opened her eyes and saw us all. The feeling of helplessness as someone who dearly loves that person who is suffering is quite unbelieveable.

A different type of counting is now in place. Rather than counting her months left, I am counting the days I have not seen her, that we have not had her around. I have been to see her twice now and will see her once more on Thursday before the funeral. The family do not want to see her so I am placing bits in her coffin for everyone. I just want to check that she is ok and that she will be in her final resting place in comfort and safety.

I have changed the picture to one which sums it all up ... the sun going down. The warmth and light may fade, but the hope of the day has not fully gone and I believe that one day, the sun will rise again when life isn't so painful.

God Bless to my second mum - we love you so much.

Good luck to you all who are fighting this awful disease - stay strong, stay positive and most of all, please just stay.

xxxxxxxxxx



Registered Office: Maggie's, The Stables, Western General Hospital, Crewe Road, Edinburgh EH4 2XU   Registered Charity Number: SC024414
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