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...no, I'm a Gemini

by Anonymous

08 August 2016 at 10:13

8 August 2016

Seems like I have turned a bit of a corner and I am starting to feel less battered and more myself again.

Drive by meals on wheels yesterday from Maggie; homemade chilli (which I have been told is actually one of the recipes from the Living well with cancer cookbook). I am looking forward to tucking into that tonight.

These FEC cycles are very strange, they are quite a dark place actually, previously after my chemo treatment it felt like there was more of a transitional improvement in the way I felt, so by week 3, whilst I was still struggling physically and a little fuzzy headed at times I would feel more capable of tackling day to day things again.

With these FEC cycles there seem to be more of a definite contrast, between good times and the not so good times.

Its seems for the first week I am flat out battered, either not capable of much physically or mentally or I am just too tired or just cant be bothered to do anything. I seem to get quite low, depressed, and generally just feel really fed up, there is a real lack of interest in anything or anyone, its really not a nice place at all.

Then bam, suddenly I wake up one morning and my head feels clear again, I feel more motivated, more my old self really. Of course when I do start to get on with things, my body reminds me I am still quite weak physically, so a lot of the good intentions I wake up with dont actually transpire into anything, but its great to feel that motivation, positivity again.

I wouldnt say I was really a person who gets depressed or fed up about things, thats not to say I go around with an inane grin on my face oblivious to rubbish thats going on around me, everyone has rubbish days, but for me my grim days tend to be few and far between and when they occur they tend to be short lived and I bounce back up again.

These prolonged dark periods have been quite strange and for me, at the time, they can feel a bit all consuming, the most rubbish part, even binging on chocolate isnt an option because I have tried, it tastes rubbish, if ever something was going to tip someone over the edge!

Hopefully the worst of this cycle is now over...yaayy and I can start to grab little bits of normal again for a while, we really, really like normal.



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