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Carpe diem

by Anonymous

29 May 2017 at 14:39


You knew and you know that I would try and go on with life - even without you. During those last weeks in the hospital garden you reminded me many times:" There is so much life left for you- please go on enjoying it the way we did together. But it is hard. I am scared that time will pass and I will lose my memories - that time will steal them all out of my brain and I will be left without them...
Just now I am standing in front of your wardrobe. While I look at your clothes, while I smell your smell in them, I realise that all these clothes feel like books- books that tell me the stories of our life together: there the blue stripy shirt- it tells me all about our hike around lands end in Cornwall! And next to it the pink one: I remember the long discussions we had before I convinced you that pink looks great when somebody has your blue eyes. Ah and yes! There is the beautiful blue fleece we bought for 1 dollar on a flea market in Boston because it was such a cold day. And the fancy leather jacket we found in the hidden shop in Santa Monica- we were on our way to dinner and you very proudly just put it on. I even remember what I ate that night: pasta with pesto sauce! Oh! I even see the old pair of jeans you were wearing on our way up Sugerloaf mountain in Wales! ( oh yes....the walk where I found a tiny bit of sheep wool hanging on a fence and felt so sorry for the poor lonely sheep who had lost it....I will never forgive you for helping me search for it without telling me that there were about 500 sheep just around the corner - and sheep wool allover the place!)
At the bottom of the wardrobe I find the brown leadery sailing shoes - we bought them in Long Beach and you called them the " standing shoes" because they hurt and you could only wear them if you didnt have to walk....( so typically you!)
Every part in your wardrobe tells me a little story - stories I will never forget. And all of a sudden I feel less sad. Instead of thinking what I lost, I can now remember just how much I had....

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