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...no, I'm a Gemini

by Anonymous

28 November 2016 at 22:39

28 November 2016

Its the start of another week, which means another 5 days of radiotherapy, but there is a spring in my step because this is my last week, my last 5 days!

I am glad, having to go into hospital every day and the treatment itself is starting to take its toll and I am beginning to feel a bit battered. I have been feeling tired most evenings and didnt really feel up to doing much this weekend.

The left side of my chest is a little sensitive now, its not painful, just a little uncomfortable and its always warm on that side of my body, the skin around the area that is being treated is now a strange dark reddish colour, its a bit like a cross between a suntan and sunburn and you can make out the area that is being treated because its a completely different colour to the rest of me. The area of skin, especially around my armpit is starting to take on a more leatherlike look, not like old boot leather, more like a very soft expensive italian leather naturally!!

The area around my armpit is quite numb, I havent really had much feeling around there following the removal of my lymphnodes, I dont think that will ever come back but I am starting to get used to that now.

Every now and again, I become aware of an aching, tingling sensation around the top of my arm (from my elbow up), I think it happens mostly when I use my arm a lot, not sure if that is something that will go with time or something I am just going to have to learn to live with, again its not really painful, more just very uncomfortable and it can sometimes feel really achey around the elbow area.

Other than that its all good, my hair continues to grow, no signs of any curls and the strange cobweb thing over my right eye has now pretty much gone.

My nails are still a bit battered, I am continuing to keep them really short, if I try and grow them they are still too weak and just split and I find I keep catching them on things. The ridges seem to have grown out now, which I am taking as a good sign so I am hoping things will start to gradually improve over time, who knows I may even get my long nails back again.

I am struggling a bit with my ‘comfy’ I keep having to adjust it as it keeps riding up, which is not only annoying but it means I keep ending up with a wonky boob. I ordered a new bra in the hope it might keep things in place a bit better than the bras I have been wearing and I am hoping the prosthetic will also help, although I am not due to have my fitting until the new year.

I dont bother with it when I am at home, I find it more comfortable and less annoying to not wear anything, if things dont improve, I think I may just give up with it altogether and learn to live with an odd silhouette. I still havent ruled out having my other breast removed yet, it might just make life a bit easier in the long run if the new bras or prosthetic dont work out. At least with no breasts I wont have to worry about wearing a bra or looking a bit lopsided without one. I may have to do some more investigation, I cant be the only person who has had a mastectomy and is having this problem surely.

It feels strange this being the final week of my treatment, my whole year has been pretty much tied up with various killer pox related events and now, by the end of this week my treatment will be over. I will still have to pop back to the hospital every now and again, but at least I will no longer have to schedule my days or weeks around hospital visits anymore, I can finally take back control of my life again.

I was looking back through my diary for this year, since March; when all this kicked off, there has only been one week so far where I havent had an appointment for something or other killer pox related, and that was the week following my surgery where I couldnt really go anywhere anyway!

Next week, will be my first official killer pox, appointment free week, the first week I finally get to start taking back control of my life again I think it might take a bit of getting used to initially, but somehow I think its something I am going to rather enjoying slipping back into.



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